Thursday, January 29, 2009

Curious Case of Hollywood Melodrama

I watch a lot of movies. I love the art form dearly. I do not find film/movie/television to be some sort of Low art that pales in comparison to the higher snotty arts. I love the didactic argument.

However, I can't stand being pandered to.

(And I can stand ending sentences with prepositions.)

I've seen two movies this year that seem to be harbinging a new Hollywood model, one I'm going to fight with all my power. The villains are: Marley & Me and Benjamin Buttons.

"Why Brandon, those seem disparate movies. One is a family film that is formulaic and cheap while the other is nominated for 13 Oscars and considered a high water mark for the filmic art."

"Bullshit." I say derisively.

"That's pretty harsh, what if children are reading this post?"

I snort, "They've heard that word before...."

Anyway, Marley & Ben Butt, are two films that have widely varied plot points, characters, conflicts, and dogs, yet they have one central purpose: A cheap, unnecessary ploy to get me to cry in public.

Me crying in public isn't that hard really. Just walk up to me and do one of the following:

A. Punch me in the balls
B. Mention the words "Field of Dreams"
C. Kick me in the balls
D. Tell me Fraggle Rock sucked
E. Have my wife punch/kick me in the balls
F. Tell me that Tom Brady really did throw an incomplete pass in the Snowjob Bowl

Ben & Marley didn't try any of that. They went straight for the jugular. The jugular of my balls.

They closed their eyes.

Bastards! Finks! Fiends!

Spoiler Alert!

Marley and Ben both die at the end of their movies

How does the movie handle their respective deaths? By showing a close up of a dog and a baby slowly closing their eyes for the last time.

End Spoiler Alert!

How cheap, how god damn low can you get Hollywood?

This low apparently

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