The greatest thing I've seen today

My vote for best actor was Mickey Rourke.

The man killed himself for this award and didn't get it.

He did however win the Indie Spirit award the night before.

If only he won the Oscar...

I, Defeated

A quick note, more to follow.

My wife beat me down 15 to 12 last night at the Oscars.

Stupid Best Sound Mixing Award gets me every time.

The penalty is still not set but watch your local news, I'm sure me arrested for public nudity is at the top of her list.

This economy, boy I tell you...

On our way to work the day yesterday, my wife and I found out that our favorite radio station was going off the air.

My wife and I both work in office enviroments and listen to radio all day long to get away from the bullshit office politics. Thing is you can only listen to "Umbrella Song" so many times before you start hitting people. Oh, maybe that was in bad taste...

Anyway, my wife and I listen to talk radio. The station 97.1 in Los Angeles had the greatest lineup of talk jocks. Literally my wife and I listen to 97.1 from 6.00 AM to 6.00 PM.

And now they are a Top 40 station.

So for Adam Carolla, Frosty Heidi and Frank, Tom Leykis and the others. Thanks for getting me through the day.

Now go get other jobs.

I, Confused

Check out this clock. Normal. Temporal. Symmetrical.

What's wrong with this thing?

What if the hands were pointing to 4.20?

This question brings up something that is so insignificant, so infinitesimally inconsequential that it of course ruins my day whenever I see it.

Why is the Roman Numeral for 4 IIII?

This is the sort of thing that once you notice it for the first time you will see it EVERYWHERE.

My wife and mother in law curse me evertime they leave the house now.

Does anybody know why some clocks are IIII?

The Oscars://Picks and Locks

Time for Oscar picks. My wife and I bet on the Oscars every year and put something on the line. We haven't picked this year but it's always something gross.

We go backwards for dramatic effect. For a full list of Noms click me

Best Live Action Short Film://
Brandon://“Manon on the Asphalt,” Elizabeth Marre, Olivier Pont
Sarah://“The Pig,” Tivi Magnusson, Dorte Høgh


Best Animated Short Film://
Sarah://“Lavatory - Lovestory,” Konstantin Bronzit
Brandon://“Presto,” Doug Sweetland

Best Documentary Short Subject://
Sarah://“Smile Pinki,” Megan Mylan
Brandon://“The Witness - From the Balcony of Room 306,” Adam Petofsky, Margaret Hyde


Best Makeup://
Brandon://Sarah://“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” Greg Cannom

Best Sound Mixing://
Brandon://Sarah://“The Dark Knight,” Lora Hirschberg, Gary Rizzo, Ed Novick

Best Sound Editing://
Sarah://“Iron Man,” Frank Eulner, Christopher Boyes
Brandon://“WALL-E,” Ben Burtt, Matthew Wood

Best Visual Effects://
Brandon://Sarah://“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron

Best Costume Design://
Sarah://“Australia,” Catherine Martin
Brandon://“Revolutionary Road,” Albert Wolsky

Best Art Direction://
Brandon://Sarah://“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button,” Donald Graham Burt, Victor J. Zolfo

Best Cinematography://
Sarah://“The Dark Night,” Wally Pfister
Brandon://“Slumdog Millionaire,” Anthony Dod Mantle

Best Film Editing://
Sarah://“Milk,” Elliot Graham
Brandon://“Slumdog Millionaire,” Chris Dickens

Best Original Score://
Brandon://Sarah://"Slumdog Millionaire," A.R. Rahman

Best Original Song://
Sarah://“Jai Ho," "Slumdog Millionaire"
Brandon://“O Saya," Slumdog Millionaire

Best Documentary://
Brandon://Sarah://"Man on Wire"

Best Foreign Language Film://
Brandon://Sarah://"Waltz With Bashir,"Israel

Best Adapted Screenplay://
Brandon://David Hare, "The Reader"
Sarah://Simon Beaufoy, "Slumdog Millionaire"

Best Original Screenplay://
Sarah://Dustin Lance Black, Milk
Brandon://Andrew Stanton, Wall-E

Best Animated Film://
Brandon://Sarah://"WALL-E"

Achievement in Directing://
Brandon://Sarah://Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionaire"

Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role://
Sarah://Taraji P. Henson, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Brandon://Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler"

Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role://
Brandon://Sarah://Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight"

Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role://
Brandon://Sarah://Kate Winslet, "The Reader"

Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role://
Brandon://Sean Penn, "Milk"
Sarah://Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler"

Best Motion Picture of the Year://
Brandon://Sarah://"Slumdog Millionaire"

I, Valentine

Valentine's day is upon us...

My wife and I don't really make a big deal out of it. First, it's a fake holiday created by Hallmark, but mainly since Hannukah/Christmas is in December and we have our anniversary, my birthday, and her birthday all within 3 to 4 weeks after each other; it gets a little much.

However, that does not mean that I don't take the opportunity to state my love for this amazing holiday.

I love my wife.

Those four words are as simplistic as it gets. Nothing over a syllable and takes all of a second to say. In a Literary sense, they don't represent some grand ideal or weight. The books that have that sentence the most are considered pulpy romance at best.

Yet, they are the center of my entire existence.

They are my lodestone.

My true North.

The simple fact that when those four words leave my mouth that they cease to be a declarative substance thrills me still.

They are my foundation.

My atmosphere.

I can not have a single thought without it going through this filter...I Love My Wife. Those words breath, they are alive. They have weight.

They are my machine.

They are my soul.

They are the algebra of my brain. I LOVE MY WIFE! A sweet snack with no calories or guilt.

Why do I love her so?

Because she loves me so completely and more importantly makes me feel worthy of her love.

As much as I can say about her and my love for her, she loves me more.

I've never been happier.

I, Nonproductive

I don't know which one of you, my dear blog buddies did it. You know who you are.

I frankly hold you all accused. That's right I said it. I am throwing down my digital gauntlet.

Whichever one of you links back to Rich Burlew's Order of the Stick please step forward. Now, I won't ask questions. I won't even yell. I'm not angry, I'm just very very disappointed in you.

How, irresponsible could you be? To just let that be on your site? A link seems harmless, but in the wrong hands it could be disaster infinity.

And you are solely to blame.

Do you realize that I have a family to feed? Nutrition unyielding? I must provide through hard work.

The Order of the Stick has sucked my will for industry out of my puny little head.

And you are solely to blame.

You link to this site, I click naively. My brain still exists on that page, no longer at my place of business.

For shame...for shame.

In all seriousness, this webcomic is fantastic. Great story, strong jokes, good characters. Perfect really, except for when I try to explain why it's funny to my wife. A woman who has never even been downwind of a D & D player.

I'd link to it but I fear for your productivity.

Thanks to whoever you are because I can't remember where I first got the link from.

BA

PS. There's a Giant in the Playground

Movie Watch://2009

This is a list of all the movies I've seen in the calender year 2009. The second number is a link to it's rating on Rottentomatoes.com.


1. Stardust (2007) 76%
2. The Wrestler (2008) 98% My review
3. Gran Torino (2008) 77%
4. Slumdog Millionaire (2008) 94%
5. Next of Kin (1989) 43%
6. Talk to Me (2007) 81%
7. Back to the Future (1985) N/A
8. Back to the Future II (1989) N/A
9. Back to the Future III (1990) N/A
10. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008) 71%
11. Ghostbusters (1984)
12. Juno (2007) 93%
13. Taken (2008) 58%
14. Frost/Nixon (2008) 91%
15. Revolver (2005) 16%
16. 21 (2008) 35%
17. Eagle Eye (2008) 27%
18. Foot Fist Way (2006) 56%
19. Mad Max (1979) 95%
20. Road Warrior (1981) 100%
21. Coraline 3D (2009) 87%
22. Teen Wolf (1985) 44%
23. Ronin (1998)
24. He's Just Not That Into You (2009)
25. Milk (2008)
26. The Reader (2008)
27. Watchmen (2009)
28. Blade Runner
29. Dan In Real Life
30. 40 Year Old Virgin
31. Schindler's List
32. Syriana
33. Cool Hand Luke
34. When Do We Eat?
35. Let the Right One In
36. The Grand
37. Redbelt
38. Zack and Miri Make a Porno
39. Best In Show
40. Timecrimes
41. Star Trek (2009)
42. X-Men Origins: Wolverine
43. Henry Poole Is Here
44. Kung Fu Panda
45. Grindhouse
46. Wall-E
47. Shaun of the Dead
48. The Hangover
49. Beverly Hills Chihuahua
50. Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen
51. Year One
52. The Goonies
53. Public Enemies
54. Striking Distance
55. Superbad
56. Generation Kill (mini-series)
57. Bruno
58. Moon
59. Clerks X Extended Cut
60. Mallrats Extended Cut
61. Doubt
62. G-Force 3D (Special Screening)
63. Chasing Amy
64. Dogma
65. Small Town Gay Bar
66. Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
67. The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)
68. Holes
69. Shrek 3D
70. Jersey Girl
71. Frailty
72. District 9
73. Funny People
74. Clerks II
75. Tin Cup
76. Inglorious Basterds
77. Charlie Wilson's War
78. Zombieland
79. Kalifornia
80. Something the Lord Made
81. Sunshine Cleaning
82. Paranormal Activity
83. The Men Who Stare at Goats
84. The Box
85. Rock N Rolla
86. Band of Brothers
87. Seven Pounds
88. Avatar IMAX 3D
89. King Kong
90. A Christmas Story
91. My Sister's Keeper
92. The Goods
93. The Ugly Truth
94. Observe and Report
95. Chicago

I, Political

Is your shower curtain new?

Go smell it. I'll wait.

...

Welcome back. Did you smell it? Did you get that sort of dizzy feeling from the pungent aroma? That sort of new plasticy smell all of us remember from childhood.

Ahhh nostalgia.

Smell it again. Congratulations, you just gave yourself cancer.

Or so somebody would have you believe.

Last Summer China got its self in a maelstrom of trouble when it started failing inspections left and right. Too much lead in most items. Complete destroyed Fisher-Price and Mattel. There were also an abundance of phthalates.

Phthalates are a type of plasticizer. It's what makes plastic, plastic. And it is a cheap way to make product. Some independent testing and lobbying of Congress has made those little bastards illegal to make in America as of today. Plus a tougher lead restriction has taken place today.

Here's my two cents. This is a perfect case of one person doing what they think is right and destroying hundreds of thousands of families. Everybody makes stuff in China. Everybody. E.V.E.R.Y.B.O.D.Y. You can not get around it. But when you make a kill date where everything has to change and give the manufacturers of the world a kill date within 6 months, you just have screwed up retail economy.

This is not the time or the place.

Are phthalates bad? Hard to say. If a kid gets their precious snowflake of a mouth on the item and sucks it down for a while, lab testing has disrupted endocrine function. Yet "the Swan study, an earlier study found that "adolescents exposed to significant quantities of DEHP as neonates showed no significant adverse effects on their physical growth and pubertal maturity." But the hardline thinking of the bill just effectively put every mom and pop company out of business today.

Testing for phthalates is expensive, very expensive. When the law was first passed there was an exemption for selling the offending products. You could still sell it as long as the item was made before 2/10/2009, after today your stuff must pass.

Fair enough, so every company's business model was changing the way to make our stuff pass the new regulations. But we still can sell our overstock inventory and recoup our losses

Then on 2/6/2009 the New York District court fought and won a suit to change the regs to state that you cannot sell the product at all.

Every store and manufactuerer now has a warehouse they must try to liquidate to Mexico, except part of the regs say you can't export.

Everybody loses because guess what? The new materials that pass the regs are $2 to $5 bucks more expensive and we pass those costs onto you the consumer.

Is this really the time for the government to force people out of business?

This bill was passed by Bush in August of last year.

Now is not the time for this. This is a silly law that is too strigent. You can't change the way the world operates in six months, you just can't.

So, I'll be raising a glass tonight for all those mom and pop stores that dared to take on Wal-Mart and Target and were crushed by Bush and his leadership

Goodnight you bastards
B

PS. I write this article from the inside, I work for a major American producer that has factories in China

Weekend Wrapup://In glorious 3D

Another one bites the dust.

2009 is shaping up to be a fantastic year. 1/12th of the weekends have been winners in my book and show no sign of slowing.

Is this the work of some guiding hand that shapes and controls this universe?

Is it fate?

Or is it the fact that I married the perfect woman for me? A divine creature that understands me fully and therefore is able to guide my weekends into a realm of bliss only previously set aside for Buddhist on level six. God damn I love that woman.

2.6.2009:// Lazy night around the house. Observing the sabbath in the laziest way possible. But that's sort of the point.

2.7.2009:// Went shopping and rented a couple of movies. Went to Blockbuster a couple of months ago, attempted to ask for some help locating a film. Well, I've admitted to myself and loved ones that I am pretty much a elite class asshole in the past, but this Blockbuster woman snuffed out all my accolades. She jumped my crap so hard you'd think I made a passing remark of the passably rancid comment to her mother.

My wife complained to corporate and they gave us free rentals. We used that on Eagle Eye. My wounded pride is not satiated in the least. Plus, while it's a decent film I don't need to spend two hours next to the drooling zombie that used to be my wife. She transforms whenever Shia LeBeauf is onscreen.

We also rented The Foot Fist Way. I recommend the film highly, especially if you've ever wondered how to state your feelings leading to a divorce as succinct and perfect as possible.

Ended the night with a Mad Max/Road Warriors double feature. I watched that alone. I'm not sure my wife can handle those movies and living with me. She'd simply OD on the awesome.

2.8.2009:// Rainy day doldrums. Went to see Coraline 3D. When I was a kid a 3D movie meant 90 minutes of, "Hey check out my sword!" And the audience going whoa! Pretty pandering if you ask me. Coraline, this is something completely different. If you are going to see it, do yourself a favor and see it in 3D. It's simply a masterpiece.

After the movie, my wife and I decided not to go home as the rain would make us take a nap or just lay around the house like the day before.

We ended up going to a museum that I've not been to since 1985. Then we met my Bubbe and visited my sick grandpa.

Ended the night with some "Big Love."

See I told you, a terrific weekend.

And it's all my wife's fault.

I, Lazy

Promised myself at least one post a day.

Ta freaking Da

Weekend Wrapup://Better Late...

Great great weekend, phenomenal , and sensational. No worries.

1.30.2009://Work, Groceries, and Ghostbusters. That's the perfect end to a work day. My wife has never seen Ghost Busters and after I recovered from the shock induced coronary we watched that bad boy. Funny thing is I've not seen the original in about a decade. I kept repeating, "don't worry the second one is better." Not to say the first one is bad but introducing it to someone for the first time in 2009 it seems corny.

1.31.2009://Went to Hemet to visit my wife's 92 year old grandma who is recovering from hip replacement surgery. Drove an hour down there to look in on a cripple feeble woman who is a week away from surgery. She kicked us out in 15 mins so she could go get her hair did. Amazing chick.

Drove an hour home and went straight to the movies for a double feature of Taken with Liam Neeson and Frost/Nixon with Kevin Bacon. Both were great. I'm slowly but surely getting all those Oscar movies taken care of.

Ended the night playing with the puppies.

2.1.2009://Cleaned and prepped for the Super....Well the Big Game. (I hear you get sued if you say Super...). I am nominally a Raiders fan but since they haven't played a game since Reagan's adminstration I tend to lend my heart to the Steelers. Living outside of Pittsburgh for the better part of a decade will do that.

Great game. Invited my father in law to watch the game and surprisingly my wife stayed awake the entire time.

Bummer://Nothing really. It was a fantastic weekend