Weekend Update://Oy Vey

Just returned to work from the longest weekend ever. Or at least the most Jewtastic weekend ever.

So much drinking....brain still hurts.

I promised myself during the week that I needed to write more, Pittsburgh especially is dying a little more everyday.

Then I take 6 days off because of family. Dedication you are my bitch.

Friday 6/5/2009://A long day at work dealing with office politics and East/West cultural clashes.

Is there some law about your boss refusing to speak English to you?

At about 8.30 PM, Sarah and I hook up with my grandmother, Bubbie, and start the long drive to Calabasas, CA. For those that don't know, that's really far, about an hour and a half of LA traffic.

We check into the Country Inn and Suites on Calabasas Road in Calabasas, CA. And that hotel Cala-sucked.

Water damage everywhere, and by extension, smelled like gym socks.

Sarah and I go to bed immediately, Bubbie stays up and drinks with relatives.

Saturday 6/6/2009:// The reason we went to Calabasas is for a Bah Mitzvah of some relative so distant I still don't even know who they are.

Bubbie got invited to an Orthodox Bar Mitzvah that morning.

So for those keeping score:

Brandon and Sarah one Bah Mitzvah at 5.oo pm
Bubbie one Bar Mitzvah at 8.00 Am and one Bah Mitzvah at 5.00pm

Bubbie's morning Bar Mitzvah was four hours long!

Again for full clarity. My family was one of the first families to become Reform Jews. That's how we roll. "Brandon, whatever do you mean by this term: Reform?" Good question, myself.

Reform Jews are Jews that said, "I'd like to be Jewish but I got shit to do." Welcome to Reform, the fully customizable religion for the Modern Jew on the Go!!!

Can't make it to Temple? That's OK!

Forgot the Prayers? That's OK!

Didn't go to Hebrew School? That's OK!

You're a Woman? That's OK!

Forget to call your Bubbie? That's still not ok!

Basically a movement in Judaism, mostly influenced by America's short attention span, started cutting out hours and hours out of our collective religious observances.

Orthodoxy isn't like that, everything is still in.

My Bubbie was blindsided by a four hour marathon she never saw coming.

Sarah and I spent the day tooling around town, going to a Farmer's Market and taking advantage of a free hotel room that we had all to ourselves.

The Bah Mitzvah we went to was 45 mins long. Goes without saying it was a Reform Service.

Then it was party time.

The Bah Mitzvah girl has very rich parents....VERY RICH. Like spent $400,000 on a reception rich.

I might write about this party later but it was obnoxious.

It did have an open bar with only top shelf liquor.

Brandon blacked out. Ended up in an elevator holding one woman's shoe. No one knows to whom it belongs.

Sunday 6/7/2009:// Hangover thou are loosed. Sarah didn't drink and spent the day nursing me back to health. Oy Vey.

Went with Bubbie to a pre wedding brunch in Calabasas. Future daughter-in-law and Mother-in-Law DO NOT GET ALONG. Painful to watch.

Drive back an hour and half to Ontario for some much needed sleep in my own bed.

Sarah decides to go shopping, I'm too exhausted/hungover. She is more tired than she thought and locks her keys in the car.

I walk 2 miles to keep her company. She was at a different gas station that was only .5 miles away.

Monday 6/8/2009:// Sarah goes to work for the morning and I go to the laundrymat.

Then at 12.00 I pick her up to...Drive to a wedding in Malibu. An hour and 45 mins away.

That's right, I have a family member that sent out invitations to a wedding on a Malibu beach. On a Monday. At 4.00 PM.

All in all the wedding was beautiful and the 50 or so miles driving up PCH on cool sunny California day made up for the driving back and forth to LA County.

One of the very, very few things I'm actually going to miss about Southern California when I get out of here.

The reception was another hour drive away in Westlake. Great food, great drinks, and every body's tension was finally released.

Brandon doesn't drink but Sarah did.

Tuesday 6/9/2009:// Hangover thou are loosed upon Sarah. I took two full days off work but Sarah took half days. Tuesday she had to go in at 1.00 pm. Spent most of the day relaxing trying to get some life back into the Mrs.

I go to the dentist and get four fillings.

Finally back at work on a Wednesday and I feel absolutely drained.

Have fun out there,
BA

Weekend Update://A Bunch of Mothers

Among other things, this weekend was chopped full of action and adventure concerning...your mom.

That was lame.

Great weekend in the Boucher camp. The wife and I work a lot and so when we get 48 blissful hours together we tend to pack as much couple time in over the weekend as to make up for the time apart during the week. Consequently, Monday mornings are a bit stressful as we are in desperate need for more sleep.

I wouldn't change it for the world though.

On to the countdown!

May 9, 2009:// As I was driving to rescue the wife from the clutches of the demon lord Work, I was hit about the face and ears with a radio commercial promising a cloying premise.

Attend with starry eyed optimism the opening of a Swedish furniture establishment and select few will earn free credit with yon edifice.

So Sarah and I hightailed it to IKEA at 6.30 AM. Let me repeat that 6.30 AM on a Saturday. The first 1000 people through the door gets a scratcher which is worth anywhere from $10-$1000 of credit in the store.

at 6.30 we were in the upper 200's of people in line. Probably 1900 people were there when the doors opened.

Victory for the Bouchers!

We got $35 total though. So that was kind of cool.

Our Saturday pretty much was shot after that because we didn't get home until 2.00pm.

So nappy nap time.

We did find time to take the dogs to the dog park. Charlie is continuing her plan to become the strangest dog on the planet.

I am a dog person. I really am. I love their world view. Simplistic and stark. Cats annoy me.

May 10, 2009:// What do you get the mother who has everything?

Towering resentment.

I really feel bad for my wife sometimes. She is a quirky, beautiful and charming individual. She has chutzpah or personality if you will. I have never introduced her to someone who didn't immediately fall in love with her.

So I marry her because everything she is, I want to have around me all the time.

I in turn repay her with giving her the most over the top cliched bitch of a Mother-in-Law on the planet.

It's so deliberate we can't help but laugh.

So we made the obligatory trip to the mighty metropolis of San Bernardino, CA to see my grandmother and aunts. And by proximity, visit with Her.

You know that feeling of when your car is sliding into the car in front of it? Your brakes are engaged but you just can't get the car to stop. There's a pulsing in your lower spine, your heart is retreating, your mouth just drys and flecks of spittle are your only attempts at a scream?

That's dinner with my mom, only times a thousand and full of Jewish guilt.

Sorry Sarah, you really got the raw end of this marriage.

Throw in laundry and grocery shopping and you got an almost perfect weekend.

I give it three and a half screaming mothers out of 5

Weekend Update Update

I totally forgot.

While taking a picture with this guy



We met this guy

Weekend Update: Fo Shizz

The wife and I had one giant weekend. I'm barely able to type due to the awesomness of the weekend.

Big week overall as a matter of fact.

On Saturday we went to see The Diary of Anne Frank with my Grandmother. It's a classic story so I don't need to go into the details. The play's ending sort of showed me a microcosm of the changing taste of Americans in the past few decades. When my Bubbe (Yiddish: Grandmother) saw the play in 1959, 14 years after the events in the play, it ended with a bunch of pounding on the door. The Frank's and Van Daan's are eating a meal and the stage goes dark. Everyone knows what the foregone conclusion so you don't need to show it.

In 2009, the father comes out after the Nazi raid the attic complete with guns, and delivers a soliloquy. He sums up everything that happens after the Nazi's capture them.

God forbid you create an interesting ending. Americans need everything summed up and tidy in 22 minutes. As a person who flirts with writing it's tough to burst through the formulaic mind gap that most Americans have been brainwashed into believing is creative.

Anyway, we had a great time.

Sunday, we got up early and instead of resting in the house we decided to take a road trip. ROAD TRIP!!!! We went to the Venice Beach boardwalk and got sunburned. We were trying to make it to the Santa Monica Promenade after that but we got distracted by a bunch of Hasidim at a farmer's market. We stopped and I did a whole Tifilian blessing in the middle of the sidewalk.

So that was weird and cool.

The only part that bummed me out was that there was this drunk chick heckling the Hasidim. They took it very well, much better than I, stoic to the point that it was becoming apparent this is something they deal with a lot.

She said to the guy, "Shabbat Shaloam. Did I say that right?"

The Guy said, "Yeah, are you Jewish."

"No."

Ten minutes later, or at least long enough later that it was uncalled for, she comes roaring back, "do I fucking look Jewish?"

Like that's the end of the world. Doesn't help the fact that her disgust was apparent and she had blonde hair and blue eyes.

After that the wife and I had a couple beers and went shopping in the Jewish district in Los Angeles.

Great day.





Sam reports on his meeting with a police sergeant that may have a clue to his past.

Be sure to click and read the archives.

Toodles,
BA

Updates, Get your updates here

The wife and I had a great weekend. Little anticlimactic at the end but through no faults of our own. Something that has been building for over seven years, gasp, came and went like a fart in the wind.

I guess I'm mostly disappointed in my own apathy. I feel like I'm that asshole that sees creation being made from me. The Lord Almighty plucking the threads out of chaos and weaving together a masterwork of breath, flesh, and heart.

I'd be that guy in the back going, "pfftt, crappy cgi."

I've been estranged from particular family members for most of my twenties. I finally ate crow and went to dinner went them all...at one time.

My comments leaving, "meh..."

That's it.

I don't feel as if this burden has left my shoulders. I'm Atlas, bent backed without a globe.

So, good weekend over all, except it turns out I'm an emotionless robot.

In other news, got my ass a new book:One of the most addicting books I've picked up in a long time. A truly fun read, that actually works as pretty deep political commentary.

Laterdayswilliemays,
B







In Pittsburgh, Sam has another dream. One of flying through the ages.

Weekend Wrapup://Better Late...

Great great weekend, phenomenal , and sensational. No worries.

1.30.2009://Work, Groceries, and Ghostbusters. That's the perfect end to a work day. My wife has never seen Ghost Busters and after I recovered from the shock induced coronary we watched that bad boy. Funny thing is I've not seen the original in about a decade. I kept repeating, "don't worry the second one is better." Not to say the first one is bad but introducing it to someone for the first time in 2009 it seems corny.

1.31.2009://Went to Hemet to visit my wife's 92 year old grandma who is recovering from hip replacement surgery. Drove an hour down there to look in on a cripple feeble woman who is a week away from surgery. She kicked us out in 15 mins so she could go get her hair did. Amazing chick.

Drove an hour home and went straight to the movies for a double feature of Taken with Liam Neeson and Frost/Nixon with Kevin Bacon. Both were great. I'm slowly but surely getting all those Oscar movies taken care of.

Ended the night playing with the puppies.

2.1.2009://Cleaned and prepped for the Super....Well the Big Game. (I hear you get sued if you say Super...). I am nominally a Raiders fan but since they haven't played a game since Reagan's adminstration I tend to lend my heart to the Steelers. Living outside of Pittsburgh for the better part of a decade will do that.

Great game. Invited my father in law to watch the game and surprisingly my wife stayed awake the entire time.

Bummer://Nothing really. It was a fantastic weekend

Weekend Wrapup://Birth and Taxes; The Circle of Life

Another fantastic weekend. I tell you 2009 has set a truly exceptional high water mark. I keep expect the shoes to drop and...Well I don't know, make me walk barefoot over thumbtacks. Weird.

I finally got over the death of InfoTron 3000. He touched my heart truly and deeply. But he would've had wanted me to be sad, rather he'd have wanted me to move on. Begin writing with another partner. Someone I could create with...someone to download porn. Sniff, oh the memories.


1.23.2009://Got home after work and just sat around and talked to the wife. She is a constant surprise to me. How did I get so lucky. Her charm and intelligence disarm me everyday. Also, her lack of experience is shocking. How did she get this many years into life without watching Back to the Future? I remedied the situation. Review from my wife: I loved it!

1.24.2009://Tax time. Boo. I screwed up my taxes for the year by accidently changing my W-9 to not withhold any taxes. For the entire year I only had like $1800 paid into the Feds. So I was sweating at the H+R Block place ready to get hit with this giant bill. Turns out, much ado about nothing. My wife's extra with holding got us a pretty hefty return. Enough as it turns out to add to the family.

Lappy 5000 is here and boy is he awesome. Sniff, InfoTron would be so proud.

Did laundry with the hellspawn of the lower rings. I miss the 1950's where it was perfectly alright to backhand someone else's kids even if you were a stranger.

Since we watched Back to the Future we might as well go for the rest. My wife has movie narcolepsy and falls asleep 30 mins before the movie is over. So we started the day by watching the last 30 of BttF I and immediately followed by watching BttF II. Now as a kid BttF II was released a few years after the first one so I don't think I've ever watched them back to back. Boy was it weird. The recasting and refilming was so cheap it took me out of the movie.

Finished the night with about 8 fingers of Jameson and a few beers.

1.25.2009://Went to my 10 year old cousin's B-day at John's Incredible Pizza. I need to slap the owner around the head with a dictionary because Incredible it was not. More like John's Incredible Disappointment.

Ended the night watching Big Love and United States of Tara.

Bummer://No real bad stuff this weekend. Didn't have time to watch BttF III though. Probably tonight

Weekend Wrap Up://The Good, The Better, and the Unfortunate

I don't normally blog on the weekends because I love my wife to a point of near paralyzing distraction. And by that I mean, I am simple stupefied when I'm more than three feet away from her.

So here's what I've been up to since we last spoke

1.09.2009://Drove to LA to see the movie The Wrestler and a QA with Marissa Tomei. I'm a pessimist at heart so I tend not to think things are actually going to happen until five minutes after they start. In short, it was a perfect night. I'll write more about it later.

1.10.2009://My wife and I decided to host a dinner party for an ex bandmate of mine and his wife. So we spent the whole day cleaning the house top to bottom. I cooked baked ziti with hot peppers. Then we went to a bar and my friend picked up the check for of $100 worth of booze, but because they opened the tab on my card, guess what's pending in my bank account.

Did not watch football, but I'm reeling from Arizona being in the NFC Championship

1.11.2009://Hangover, though art loosed. Spent most of the day in bed as a vegatable. Watch football nearly all day including when my father in law came over to patch the drywall from where the dogs chewed through.

Cards vs Eagles, really?

The end of the day became sad as I took my male dog to my father in law's so he can get neutered today. Poor guy.

All in all one of my favorite weekends and a good way to start the year

Bummer://No reading or writing completed at all