I, Pain

God damn I'm sore.

I'm a reknown comfort junkie. When I'm off of work all I truly want to do is change into some basketball shorts and veg in front of the TV with a show or videogames. This is not a good thing.

My ambition meter is on the fritz again and the only way to fix it is to actually leave the house.

My wife had been wanting to go ice skating forever. I grew up on the East Coast and despised that that activity but my wife is beautiful even more so when she pouts.

After turning her down ten times I finally said yes.

Guess what? I had a blast.

I was zooming around darting in and out of the crowd and lapping my wife like crazy.

I was enjoying myself so much that I got cocky. And so now you know what happens...

I hit a bad patch of ice and caught both toepicks in sending my body into superman flight mode. Both my arms were extended in front of me and I was airbourne for about five feet.

I crashed hard but since my legs and arms were outstretched the only thing to break my fall was my ribcage.

I knew drinking all that beer would help out. I would have shatter my ribs but my beer gut saved me again.

Severe Rib Contusion is the result. Doesn't sound that bad really, except it's the most exquisite pain I've ever been in. I've been doped up on prescription strength Ibproufen and Vicodin and still I have a hard time breathing deeply, bending over, and walking.

My poor wife has been constantly taking care of me. She truly is an angel because I'm being the biggest baby I know.

This would be the worse thing to happen this week then my brother had to one up me...